KristenLunceford.com

Our Family Rules

How. Great. Is. This?

I came across it on Etsy last week and ordered it immediately from Alexander Creative. When it arrived on my doorstep yesterday, I dropped everything and went out to get a frame. The kids shared in my joy (Rule 3, baby!), and Evan has already said at least four times that the easiest rule to keep is "never stay angry." If you know him, that sounds about right, huh?

Ryan Alexander offers lots ways to customize this poster (and several others, too), so be sure to check out the goods in his Etsy shop!

The Christmas Daddy Date

"She probably won’t remember the heart necklace I bought her for Christmas this past year when she’s 12…but I am guessing she will remember our Saturday morning trips to the Waffle House…and it is my prayer she will treasure those times deeply."

~Perry Noble  

 

Tonight was Ryan and Selah's Christmas Daddy Date, and there were two rules:

1. She got to choose what to do on the date (dinner and The Muppets movie).

2. Landon and Evan got to choose what she wore on the date (see below). 

As I mentioned earlier on Facebook, the outfit-choosing excursion was quite entertaining. The four of us paraded through Gap Kids (they always have the best deals on cute clothes for girls a couple days before Christmas) in our typical peaceful way: "Quiet...stop touching him...move over here...you sit there and you sit there and you stand over there...LOOK OUT for other people...why do you have to hang on each other...please remember that you are NOT the only people in this store...stand OUT OF THE WAY...stop trying to wrestle him...SHHHH...move over...can't you see this lady is trying to shop over here...get out of the way...Evan, I know we aren't supposed to say shut-up in this family, but SHUT UP...yes, they sell girls' underwear here...seriously, guys, I just need two more minutes to concentrate...ouch, get OFF my foot...here, hold my keys...okay, you have both lost rights to your vocal chords...stand with your backs against this wall and don't say another word until we get to the dressing room." 

Once safely in the dressing room, Selah tried on three outfits and the boys got their speaking rights reinstated so they could decide which outfit was prettiest and most appropriate for her big date. This was a very intentional part of all three of their training, the reasons of which I will elaborate on some other time.

Anyway, the deciding vote went to Evan who deemed this outfit the most "posh," and probably because the last time I took them shopping I corralled them around the iPad to play Selah's Fancy Nancy app...and, well, "Fancy Fancy" (as Selah calls her) is quite fond of that word. And fond is a fancy word for "likes a lot."

***

"Unfortunately, most dads give their daughters away long, long before their wedding day. But not me. Selah will be married to me until I give her away."

 

Resources: 

Perry Noble's thoughts on Daddy Dates and why he makes a big deal out of them

16 Daddy Christmas tips from Mark Driscoll

11:02 AM

"Boys want to conquer and subdue, and if the terrain before them is the back yard, then that is what they want to conquer. The point of discipline with boys is to channel and direct their energy into an obedient response to the cultural mandate. It is not to squash that energy, destroying it or making it sullen. Boys therefore should be in training to become men who exercise dominion, they should be learning to be lords in the earth, they should learn to be adventurous and visionary."

~Douglas Wilson, Future Men, page 14

When Motherhood is Boring

"The task of parenting is simply impossible. Any sane look at what is required of parents by God is completely and utterly overwhelming. This is why the task must be undertaken in grace, by grace, through grace, and because of grace. The grace of God in this provides two things all parents need. The first is forgiveness for this morning, and the second is strength for this afternoon."

~Douglas Wilson, My Life for Yours: A Walk Through the Christian Home

Here's something you will never hear anyone admit, so I'll just come right out with it:

Motherhood is boring.

I'm serious. Some days (like today) I wake up thinking, "I am so bored." Not in an I-have-nothing-to-do kind of way because that is certainly NOT the case. And not in a nothing-interesting-ever-happens kind of way (you should've smelled what I cleaned up at 7:01 this morning!). I'm talking about the kind of boredom that accompanies knowing that what you did yesterday will have to be done again today, in much the same way, and at almost exactly the same times. My family is going to need all the same things they needed yesterday--food, clean clothes & sinks, an escort to and from school, time to rest and play, a lot of some nagging to clean up--and sometimes the mere thought of the mundaneness of it all makes me want to stay in bed. 

Assuming I am not the only one who battles this kind of boredom, I thought I'd share three things that help me emerge from the funk. This doesn't work every time, but it worked today...

1. Say it out loud.

Before the kids were even out of bed this morning, I admitted to my husband, "I am so bored." I wasn't complaining, I was confessing, and there was power in that. Putting words on my "blah-ness" gave me an honest starting point for my day that helped me know what attitudinal obstacles I was going to have to overcome if I wanted the day to go well. 

2. Preach 1 Corinthians 10:31 to yourself.

 "Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

When "whatever you do" seems boring to you, remember who you are doing it for, and even that smelly, sticky bathroom will be more rewarding to clean. But even if it's not, at least you've tried to look at things from an eternal perspective. So be gracious to yourself...and then recite the verse again.

3. Pay attention to transformation.

It's easy to groan at the boring day in front of you and forget the hundreds of other days just like it that God used to transform your family. So be on the lookout today for the fruit of yesterday's labor.

Two examples from my morning:

The first does not require words.

The second is less dramatic but was just as encouraging: 

This morning my boys crossed the street to school and ever so boldly and cheerfully expressed their thanks to Carl (the crossing guard). They do this every day without being prompted, and today I was able to see it for what it really was: transformation. The hundreds of boring, repetitive hours my husband and I have invested over the years into making manners and gratitude a rule in our home is now bearing fruit outside of it, and people like Carl don't find that boring or mundane at all.

3. Change your posture.

If you've been around me for any length of time, you've probably heard me say (more than once) to my kids, "Change your posture." In our home, slumped shoulders and mopey attitudes are a form of disrespect and ungratefulness and are not tolerated. And yet that's how I walk around sometimes until I remember that I, too, have a heavenly parent who is asking the same of me.

Change your posture, Kristen.

So instead of moping around the house this morning resenting the laundry and to-do list that, curiously enough, resembled what I tackled yesterday, we changed things up and did our best to combat bordedom with beauty...

...and books...

...and just like that, things seemed a lot less boring and a whole lot better.

"If God doesn't rule your mundane, then he doesn't rule you. Because that's where you live."

 ~Paul Tripp

 

Spot the Dot + other things I'm excited about today

A fly-by list of things I'm grinning about right now:

This app: Spot the Dot for iPad by Ruckus Media Group

I installed this app for Selah after losing my cool with her one night during story time. She couldn't tell me that a balloon was yellow even after I pointed to it,  told her the answer, and had her repeat it to me at least 10 times. No matter how many different ways I phrased the question, she would not answer correctly, and I ended up getting angry and making her feel stupid. It was not pretty, but it was real...a real wake-up call that I needed to find another approach. And quick!

Thankfully I came across this Cool Mom Tech post a few days later, and now Selah and I are having fun--instead of fights--as we try to spot the colored dots on my iPad. 

This couple:

 

I love what Good Culture writer Wylie Overstreet says about them: I can see now why they call it the golden years. Not only are these two obviously still in love, but they're having a great time bumbling along with their fancy new web cam. Monkey faces, boob talk, made-up song lyrics ... it's all hilarious and adorable, and a reminder that life is too short to take too seriously. 

This voice: Grace Driscoll on pastormark.tv

Everything Ryan and I learned early on about biblical manhood, biblical womanhood, marriage, and raising a healthy, missional family points to Mark and Grace Driscoll. God has used their marriage and ministry to refine us in every way. Until this week, though, Grace's online presence has been virtually
non-existent. I have always appreciated and understood this (she has needed the protection, privacy, and time to lend her gifts elsewhere), but I have also been frustrated by it. Of all the "high profile" pastor's wives out there, it's Grace who I most want to hear from because it's Grace who I feel I most identify with.

So I'm beyond excited that she a) has an online platform to write from and b) has co-authored a book with Mark that will be the first thing I read in 2012. It's called Real Marriage & The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together and it releases January 3.

 Happy weekend, everyone!

Salt, Light, and Public School

“You are the salt of the earth...you are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden."    ~Matthew 5:12-13

 

When our boys were babies we hung the letters "s-a-l-t" on Evan's bedroom door (which eventually became Selah's door) and "l-i-g-h-t" on Landon's door as a visual reminder that it is just as valuable to raise salt and light as it to be salt and light. This helped me, in particular, view our children as my primary mission field. It certainly alleviated the discouragement I felt about not having more time, more money, and more energy to be salt and light elsewhere (like at our church or in our community). 

Rachel Jankovic, in a recent post I wish I had been able to read five years ago when we were sorting through all of this, offers this perspective:

It is easy to become discouraged, thinking that the work you are doing does not matter much. If you were really doing something for Christ you would be out there, somewhere else, doing it. Even if you have a great perspective on your role in the kingdom, it is easy to lose sight of it in the mismatched socks, in the morning sickness, in the dirty dishes. It is easy to confuse intrigue with value, and begin viewing yourself as the least valuable part of the Church.

There are a number of ways in which mothers need to study their own roles, and begin to see them, not as boring and inconsequential, but as home, the headwaters of missions.

At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice, and there is perhaps no occupation in the world so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood. Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel. Jim Elliot famously said, “He is no fool who gives up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Motherhood provides you with an opportunity to lay down the things that you cannot keep on behalf of the people that you cannot lose. They are eternal souls, they are your children, they are your mission field.

***

With all that said, yesterday Evan started Kindergarten and Landon started 1st grade at a wonderful public elementary school by our house. As I snapped this photo I thought, "There they go...Salt & Light. Our mission field: mobilized."

As a pastor's family, people are often surprised that we don't homeschool or send our kids to a private Christian school. When asked about it, I always give the same response: "First, Ryan and I loved our public school experiences. Second, it's cheaper! Third, public schools need our Christian kids (and vice versa). I'm not sure it's the best idea to keep all the Jesus-loving kids (or teachers, for that matter) out of the public schools. We want Landon, Evan, and Selah to have opportunities to reflect Jesus in places where his name is a curse word (or an afterthought at best), and right now that means attending public school...in Las Vegas. Fourth, did we mention this is the cheaper route?"

:-)

The reality is that God has simply not led our family--as he has led other families--into homeschooling or Christian school.  This doesn't mean sending our kids to public school is better of our family, it just means that it's better for our family given our present circumstances...just like homeschooling is better for several of our close friends who do a phenomenal job educating their children and training them up to be salt and light in their given contexts. These families  are incredible to me, honestly, and I have been both challenged and encouraged by their testimonies and their tenacity to develop a culture in their schooling that promotes learning in ways that glorify God. You should totally read their blogs, not mine.

No wait, don't do that. (Really, though, leave me a comment if you want their links.)

Likewise, we also know people who've had many important reasons for sending their kids to Christian schools, and we respect them greatly for it; but, again, it just isn't for us, especially with such a fantastic public  elementary school a short walk from our house (we realize we are blessed to this end). Will this always be the case? I have no idea. We hold all of this loosely because we know that there might come a day when it becomes clear that we need to put one--or all--of our children in a different environment.

But for now--for this season--we will gratefully embrace the public school up the street and do our part advance the gospel into its classrooms...

...one salty, shiny Lunceford at a time. 

Make it a great year, everyone!

Obedient children are the happiest children: Part 1

“The common but very bad habits of repeating commands and raising the voice not only exhaust the parent’s patience so that he then punishes in anger, but they also teach the child that he need not pay attention until he has heard the command many times, and heard it shouted. Examples are all around us of children who pay practically no attention at all.”

Shaping of a Christian Family: How My Parents Nurtured Our Faith, page 163

A few weeks ago the kids and I showed up to a park with a few sand toys in tow. It wasn’t long (maybe 45 seconds) before someone else’s two-year old grabbed one of our shovels and buckets and started playing. This has happened before, and usually the kids and I are more than happy to share and play for a while with our new friend. 

Usually.

After a few minutes of this little boy playing with more of our toys than Selah and Evan had access to, his mother wandered over and asked him to give back one of the shovels. Oh no, here we go…she’s an ‘asker,' I thought.

After honestly five minutes of listening to the mother say over and over…

“Will you please give them back that shovel?”

“You need to give back that shovel or else we are going to leave the park.”

“Do you want to leave the park?”

“1...2…3.”

“Okay, you are not going to get a treat if you don’t give back the shovel.”

“You need to give back the shovel now.”

“ONE. TWO. THREE…”

…with literally no response from her son….

I lost it.

I walked over to the kid, got down in his little face, and said quite sternly, “You need to obey your mommy the FIRST time. Since you didn't do that, I’m taking back our toys.”

There. Done. End of stinking discussion.

Back to his mom:

“Let’s go, honey. These people are not nice. They are not sharing. Let’s go find a dog for you to pet and then get a treat.”

I almost punched her. (I know...I'm aware of my horribleness. Sigh.) 

But then I took a deep breath, kept my mouth shut, and felt sorry for her because she couldn’t see that I was doing her a favor (flawed though I was in my approach). I also felt sorry for her son. It's not his fault that he has not been trained to obey. I then said to my kids, “Please pick up your toys and let’s go play on the swings.” They said, “Yes, Mommy,” picked up their stuff, smiled, and followed me to the other side of the playground.

Obedient children are the happiest children, I thought to myself.

 ***

I beat myself up for hours after that incident for not being more compassionate in my handling of the situation. I could’ve been gentler. I should’ve been gentler. Clearly I fail, time and time again, when it comes to truly  loving my neighbor. I am not proud of this. Know that. But also hear this…

In our home, delayed obedience is disobedience. Why? Because, as Elisabeth Elliot (and Ephesians 6:1-2, 4) says, “Under God, parents have one set of duties—to train; children have another—to obey...the child whose will is trained to subjection is a freer, happier child, much pleasanter company that he whose own will is his own law.”

Children can and should be trained to obey the first time. This has been the expectation in our home since our children were mobile. I will go through some specific examples in my next post, but for now I just wanted to say to those of you who are struggling in this area what I should’ve said to the mother at the park:

It doesn’t have to be like this. You don’t have to exhaust yourself and those within earshot of you by playing battle of the wills games with your children. You have all the authority. Give up, once and for all, the “1…2…3…” game. If your child can obey on 3, he can obey on 1. If you are going to threaten to leave the park, then leave the park. Immediately. The establishment of your child’s trust in God begins with his trust in you, so mean what you say. Every time. There is power in that for you, security in that for your child, and peace in that for your home. 

 

 

7:43 PM

Victory...finally.

How's Your Vineyard?

On my way to the MGM Grand this morning to help one of my favorite companies, Shootsac, set up their WPPI booth (just for the fun of it and for the free stuff!), I kept saying to myself, “Don’t forget: this is not your vineyard.”

Say what?

In the first chapter of Song of Songs it says, “My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!” (1:6b)

This verse bounced violently around in my head as the WPPI signs welcomed me to the convention.

Of the many things we gave up to move to Las Vegas to start Advance Church, my photography business was one of them. I knew when we decided to leave MN that re-launching Kristen Lunceford Photography in Vegas would be at the very bottom of our priority list, and that it would be months and months and months before I could even entertain the idea of picking up my camera professionally again.

Church planting aside, setting up home in a new city and helping my family learn to live and thrive here is an all-consuming marathon on a good week. As tempting as it is to start adding photoshoots to my weekly list of things to do, I know doing so would spoil everything in my primary vineyard. Nancy Wilson says it this way:

 “God has given us our [husband] and children as our ministry. We must not look elsewhere for fulfillment or success. We must excel where He has put us, and after we have a thriving, healthy vineyard, we certainty may look around for more ground to work.”

I hold tightly to these words every time I get the itch to start re-designing my branding and blog instead of doing that third load of laundry or writing that grocery list or watching that puppet show or talking vision for Advance over a glass of wine with my husband.

My primary vineyard is not thriving yet, and I have no problems admitting that. I honestly don't mind waiting to relaunch something good while I tend to something better. This is by no means easy, though, and I love how fellow adoptive mom and wildly successful photographer Kristin Rogers addresess this tension:

When you are a mom, you don’t have blog statistics to see how many people are keeping up on your awesome mommy skills, you don’t have Facebookers “liking” your play time, you don’t have “fans” complimenting your skills at training and bathing your children. In the photography business you can get a lot of recognition, encouragement & accolades for a rad picture, an exciting blog you post, a feature you get or client you land. There are rewards of a payment at the end of your job.

Mothers obviously don’t receive the same recognition for our work, time, tears, efforts and chores. Not like we do with photography. It is tempting to crave it or even need that to know you are doing a good job that others appreciate and value your work. We may take unnecessary jobs to make sure we can blog frequently…to see those comments or our exposure and stats rise. But this is something we need not feed.

Read Kristin's full post about balancing photography and motherhood, and then take a long look around at your own vineyards. Where do you need to redirect your time, talent, and treasure to ensure that the primary thing God has given you to care for is thriving?

 

Our Favorite (and cheap!) Twin Cities Family Spots

Before we left Minnesota, I promised a couple people I would compile a list of some of my favorite free or inexpensive spots to hang out with young kids in the Twin Cities. Most of these places are pretty ordinary, but somehow they belonged to us, and that's what made them special. So, please, get out and enjoy them while we work on building a new list here in Las Vegas...

Hastings (reference this map for park locations)

Lake Isabel Park: Pair a trip to this park with a cheap ice cream treat from the Hastings Creamery & Dairy, and take a walk out on the dock that's nearby. 

South Pines Park: A super quiet park with an adjustable basketball hoop that is low enough for kids as young as four to make shots in.  

Eagle Bluff Park: A small, quiet playground that you can pair with a walk on the nearby trail that goes across the lock and dam. Head east on the road the park is on and you'll run into the trail. 

Pioneer Park: It has an old-school merry-go-round. Enough said.

Roadside Park: Home to the "big red slide." Avoid it on weekends if you can't stand crowds. Early mornings are great. 

Lion's Park: Great for hot days because the playground is super shady. The baseball field is also nice.

Schaar's Bluff: Tons of open space, trails, picnic areas, and a huge playground. 

Sterling (aka: Clancy's): A good winter option - tube slide & train tables inside. Just don't go between Thanksgiving and New Year's because the play area is closed to accommodate all kinds of Christmas merchandise. Pair with a trip across the street to the Pleasant Hill Library.

Red Wing

Universal Access Park: Hands down the coolest park we have ever been to. It was designed by some parents of children with cerebral palsy, so it is completely wheelchair accessible and has some fun, fun stuff I've never seen on any other playground. It's spectacular, and the surrounding Colvill park screams, "Picnic!" It's worth every minute of the drive down to Red Wing, so check it out if you haven't already. No excuses! There's an aquatic center there, too, FYI.

Caribou: The Red Wing Caribou has a nice little play area for kids to enjoy while you meet a friend for coffee. Pair with a trip to the playground at Baypoint park by the river. 

Woodbury

Lookout Ridge Indoor Playground: Best for kids 4 and up, but there is space for littler ones to play, too. Whatever you do, go right when it opens at 10 AM. It starts to get crazy in there by 11:30, at which point you can leave for lunch anyway. 

Powers Lake: Decent playground, fantastic trail to walk around the lake. Pair with your favorite morning coffee. 

Stillwater

Teddy Bear Park: Free, tons of fun, and in the summers (every other Friday at 10AM, I think) a woman shows up for a short story time followed by a cool craft for the kids. It's great because if your kids aren't big on public story time (mine never were), they can play on the playground and come back over for the craft. Best of all: you don't have to clean anything up!

St. Paul

Treasure Island playground at Expo Elementary: Use these directions to get there. At the end of the school block you turn left twice to get behind the building. The park is a  huge wooden structure that twists and turns and is full of fun nooks and crannies to explore. Pair with a trip to Trader Joe's (just down the street on Randolph & Lexington) or a stop by the Red Balloon Bookshop on Grand Ave. 

Choo Choo Bob's Train Store: Six train tables for playing, plus lots of fun "grown-up" trains to watch go by on the tracks. Great birthday party venue for 2-5 year olds. Pair with a stop into Izzy's Ice Cream just a few doors over. 

Harriet Island: Killer views of the St. Paul skyline. There's a playground that has a fun water feature in the summers. Just bring lots of extra clothes & towels...otherwise your kids will have to ride home...ahem..naked...like mine did the first time we went. :-)

MN Children's Museum: Don't think twice about getting a membership. Do it. We used ours once a month for sure, and it was great because we didn't feel like we had to spend hours and hours there since we weren't paying per visit. We would get there early, play for an hour and a half, have lunch (they have a microwave downstairs which is great if you need to warm bottles or baby food), and then peace out before it got too crazy. Pair with a trip to the candy store right next to it, or an errand you need to run at Macy's. 

Como Zoo & Conservatory: Go and go often. It's free and you can grab Como Town ride passes from the library to treat to the kids to a little extra fun. Evan loved to play mini golf there. 

Jackson Street Roundhouse: Another freebie from the Museum Adventure Pass, and home to one of my favorite pictures of Landon and Evan...

Burnsville, Apple Valley, Bloomington 

Glow Golf at TILT in Burnsville Center: You have to have $5 cash to play and get a ball that glows in the dark, so don't forget. Pair with a trip upstairs to the play area by Sears for kids 6ish and younger. 

MN Zoo: I know a lot of people who are members, but we used to just get free passes from the library. There are usually tons of passes available in the winter months, and there is still a lot to do there even when it's cold. 

IKEA: Check potty-trained kids into the children's playroom and enjoy an hour to yourself in the store. The non-potty trained kids you are towing can play with you in the children's section upstairs by the restaurant (which you'll want to eat at often because it's cheap and a few times a year kids eat free!).

Mall of America: The rides are expensive, right? So take advantage of the free stuff instead. Walk the kids through the Disney Store, stop into the children's section at Barnes and Noble, play with legos in the newly redesigned play area,  let the older kids demo computers and iPads in the Apple store (you can play, too), and spend a few quarters on the younger kids to ride on the lame $1 rides. :-) There's also mini golf on the third floor if you are up for spending money. 

Chutes and Ladders Park (aka: Hyland Play Area): Free and fabulous. Great for kids' parties, too. Go early to beat the rush. Pair with a trip to Costco and be home in time for naps. 

Edina

Sweet Retreat Cupcake Boutique: A 50th & France favorite when paired with a stroll through Anthropologie. 

 

Check out  Go City Kids for some additional suggestions. Happy exploring!