Marriage
March 5, 2026
Unspeakably Thankful.
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February 21, 2026
Poison & Wine: The Single Life
We continued in our Poison and Wine series at Advance Church last weekend with my husband giving what I believe was his most transparent and helpful sermon EVER. The topic was singleness and I joined him up front afterward to answer some questions from our community. If you missed it, you can get the podcast here or watch the video below.
Ryan posted a robust list of follow-up resources on Advance's blog that you'll want to check out. To his list, I would add these:
If I could go back in time, I would've asked Ryan to put this free accountability software on his computer as soon as we were engaged. It should be on every dating, courting, and married couple's computers, phones, iPads, etc. regardless of whether or not porn has been an issue for either person in the relationship.
It works like this: Whenever you access a website that contains inappropriate or pornographic material, the program will record the website, time, and date the site was visited. Then, the person of your choice (an accountability partner) will receive an email or text message containing all inappropriate sites you have visited.
It's fantastic and gave me a lot of peace of mind as Ryan worked to regain my trust early on in our marriage. I can't believe I forgot to mention it during the Q&A!
“Marriage and singleness both present us with unique trials and unique opportunities for our sanctification” explains John Piper. “There will be unique rewards for each, and which is greater will not depend on whether you were married or single, but on how you responded to each.”
This PDF from the women of GirlTalk is loaded with practical, Biblical advice on how to seize the opportunities the season of singleness offers.
Church Planting and the Single Woman
"Church planters need single women who are so committed to serving the church that they are known as sisters and helpers who invest the gifts and talents they’ve received for the benefit of the gospel."
A timely word of encouragement single women helping us start Advance Church!
A perspective of singleness from a 40-year old member of Mars Hill Church in Seattle.
When You Don't Have a Better Half
In this in-depth article, Carolyn McCully (via The Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood) explains how single women can cultivate femininity in non-romantic relationships, while encouraging the men around us in their application of masculinity.
Let me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot
A solid collection of essays on what it means to be a Christian woman, whether single, married, or widowed. A must, must read for any woman seeking to more fully understand, embrace, and walk securely in God's calling for her.
A straight-to-the-point response from Joshua Harris to the question, "Is my relationship with this non-Christian guy ok?"
Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage
For the bullet-list lover, John Piper offers up more than fifty key questions (and organizes them by category...oh my!) you should be asking yourself and boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance during your courtship.
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February 12, 2026
A Pleasant View
Scripture is clear that true beauty flows out of a heart hidden in the beauty of Christ.
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
1 Peter 3:4-5
Okay, got it. Dig it, even. But is that all? Well, not quite...if you are married.
I don’t know if you’ve ever read Song of Solomon, but the wife (not the single woman) busts out in a striptease, and her husband goes crazy over her “fawns” and everything else he can see of her. Why? Because dudes are visual learners. Always have been, apparently.
Wives, your husbands are visual creatures in a world that assaults their eyes nearly every moment of every day, and you were created to help him fight this battle (see Genesis 2:18 & Titus 2). Like it or not, you carry the responsibility of providing your husband with redeeming images of beauty that he can call to mind throughout the day. If you withhold these snapshots, I assure you culture will fill in the gaps for you. This means it’s time to drop the excuses and go to battle for him.
What does this look like practically? Start by drying your hair in only your underwear (the good ones) when you know he’s going to walk by. Click. Put on the earrings he mentioned he liked last month even though they feel too fancy for all the mundane errands you’ll be running that day. Click. Wear a cute apron. Click. Find your mascara…and use it. Click. Stay in your heels after work. Click. Click. Leave the lights on (or at least a candle). Click, click, click. Smile. Wham-bam-Instagram.
“He will be archiving all of these glorious, amazing, satisfying, exciting images of you as his wife. So he’ll be thinking about you. He’ll be meditating on your beauty and your glory. Help him by giving him lots of redeem images.”
~The Peasant Princess: Dance of the Mahanaim
For some of you, this snapshot making may be hard. It was for me, so I can completely relate. So start small. But start somewhere. If you have young children, try getting up before them a couple days a week to put yourself together. If that’s too tricky because they rise earlier than morning news anchors, contain them somehow with an age-appropriate activity while you wash your face, throw on some blush and a cute sweater, and do something with that hair.
If you work away from your home all day, resist the temptation to walk right past your husband in a beeline to your pajama drawer. If you must don some comfy, post-work garb, ask your husband to help you choose some cozy—but still visually generous—stretchy pants and tops. GapBody has some nice options. But I’ve just heard this.
If you are single and somehow still reading this post, remember it. Your future husbands will thank you. I promise. And for now, do something about that cleavage and those shorts. The guy you are dating (or hoping to date) doesn’t need the distraction.
All right, time for two practical examples from our marriage, brought you by the letters b u and t.
B-u-t, Kristen, I have a new baby.
Ah, that’s sweet, but you had a husband first and your shower still works. So remember him and grab a louffa sometime before 5 pm, please.
When our oldest son was brand new, I was intentional about showering and getting dressed as soon as he was fed, changed, and contained in the morning. My thought was that if his diaper was clean, his belly was full, and he was in a safe place (crib, swing, bouncy seat, that hook on the wall…), I could “ignore” him for 15 minutes to put myself together, regardless of how he felt about it. Crying? What crying? I was in the shower and he was strategically placed in his room on the other side of the house, so if he had something to “say” about the separation, he could deal with his emotions on his own for a few minutes with me blissfully out of earshot.
Not only did this practice help ensure that I would smell of something more than spit up and rice cereal when my husband saw me at lunch, but it also set into motion some very healthy and helpful expectations that are commonplace in our home seven years later. For example, all of our kids learned from the day they entered our home how to deal with themselves in a crib full of toys or a playmat draped with things to bat and kick at so that I could take care of myself. Not only was this in my best interest, but it was in theirs, too. No one wants to be around a smelly, unkempt, bed-head sporting monster, now do they?
B-u-t, Kristen, I work from home and it seems silly to get all gussied up (unless, of course, I have to Skype with my boss) to sit in my house alone.
This may be true, but I never said anything about getting gussied up. Just get yourself out of the baggy sweatshirt and find some socks that match. Start there and work your way to lip gloss and some time with the flat iron.
I confess that my own home-office arrangement made it easy for me in the past to stay in my pajamas every morning while my husband took the kids to daycare on his way to work. I fell into the trap of being visually selfish in the mornings and visually stand-offish in the evenings, slipping back into pajamas (if I had ever bothered to change out of them in the first place) or workout clothes that were more suited for sledding than sexy shenanigans. I had to repent of that for sure (repent is fancy for "change my ways"), and sometimes I still get it wrong, but I’ve gotten better. Much better. And you can, too.
Oh, but how?
Start by asking your husband what his favorite snapshots are of you and why, and then make a sincere effort to be visually generous in ways that are most significant to him. It'll require humility to accept where you have been selfish in this area, and it'll certainly take some effort to begin making changes, but remember God has created you to be helper to your husband, and that includes embracing your role as his ally in the visual war raging around him...by giving him a pleasant view.
***
Resources:
Poison & Wine: The Married Life (the context for this entire post) and addional resources
Chapter 9: Selfish Lovers & Servant Lovers from Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship & Life Together
The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller
Love That Lasts by Gary & Betsy Ricucci
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September 16, 2026
Spot the Dot + other things I'm excited about today
A fly-by list of things I'm grinning about right now:
This app: Spot the Dot for iPad by Ruckus Media Group
I installed this app for Selah after losing my cool with her one night during story time. She couldn't tell me that a balloon was yellow even after I pointed to it, told her the answer, and had her repeat it to me at least 10 times. No matter how many different ways I phrased the question, she would not answer correctly, and I ended up getting angry and making her feel stupid. It was not pretty, but it was real...a real wake-up call that I needed to find another approach. And quick!
Thankfully I came across this Cool Mom Tech post a few days later, and now Selah and I are having fun--instead of fights--as we try to spot the colored dots on my iPad.
This couple:
I love what Good Culture writer Wylie Overstreet says about them: I can see now why they call it the golden years. Not only are these two obviously still in love, but they're having a great time bumbling along with their fancy new web cam. Monkey faces, boob talk, made-up song lyrics ... it's all hilarious and adorable, and a reminder that life is too short to take too seriously.
This voice: Grace Driscoll on pastormark.tv
Everything Ryan and I learned early on about biblical manhood, biblical womanhood, marriage, and raising a healthy, missional family points to Mark and Grace Driscoll. God has used their marriage and ministry to refine us in every way. Until this week, though, Grace's online presence has been virtually
non-existent. I have always appreciated and understood this (she has needed the protection, privacy, and time to lend her gifts elsewhere), but I have also been frustrated by it. Of all the "high profile" pastor's wives out there, it's Grace who I most want to hear from because it's Grace who I feel I most identify with.
So I'm beyond excited that she a) has an online platform to write from and b) has co-authored a book with Mark that will be the first thing I read in 2012. It's called Real Marriage & The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together and it releases January 3.
Happy weekend, everyone!
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May 2, 2026
Relationships F.A.Q. Resources
Last night via a live webcast to Advance Church's community groups, my husband briefly addressed five FAQs relating to sex, marriage, and relationships. If you missed it, you can watch it here.
This morning Ryan posted a comprehensive list of resources that you will want to devour whether you are single, engaged, happily married, unhappily married, divorced, widowed, re-married...you name it.
I wanted to get in on the fun, too, so below are a few resources that have challenged and changed me as I have reflected on my single years, forgiven my parents for their divorce, pursued my husband through seven years of marriage, and wrestled with trading in my cultrually-biased view femininity for a more Biblically sound view of what it really means to be a woman, wife, and mother.
“Marriage and singleness both present us with unique trials and unique opportunities for our sanctification” explains John Piper. “There will be unique rewards for each, and which is greater will not depend on whether you were married or single, but on how you responded to each.” This PDF from the women of GirlTalk is loaded with practical, Biblical advice on how to seize the opportunities the season of singleness offers.
A perspective of singleness from a 40-year old member of Mars Hill Church in Seattle.
When You Don't Have a Better Half
In this in-depth article, Carolyn McCully (via The Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood) explains how single women can cultivate femininity in non-romantic relationships, while encouraging the men around us in their application of masculinity.
Let me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot
A solid collection of essays on what it means to be a Christian woman, whether single, married, or widowed. A must, must read for any woman seeking to more fully understand, embrace, and walk securely in God's calling for her.
A great response from Joshua Harris to the question, "Is my relationship with this non-Christian guy ok?"
Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage
For the bullet-list lover, John Piper offers up more than fifty key questions (and organizes them by category...oh my!) you should be asking yourself and boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance during your courtship.
Marriage
I can't reinforce strongly enough my husband's recommendations to lean into these three resources:
A little post I did on keeping your marriage bed pure, yes, but lovely also.
Try 'em!
5 Things I Wish I would Have Known About Being a Church Planter's Wife
Obviously these are super specific to my experience as a pastor's wife, but Kendra Duty's reflections speak to any wife who is seeking to be a source, not a drain, to her husband.
The first in a seies of insightful posts from Grace Driscoll about where we ought to find our identity as women.
Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney
You will be hard-pressed to find another book that lays out a clearer, more practical, and more inspiring vision of biblical femininity than this one. It's a "Top Five Books That Changed My Life" kind of read.
Becoming God's True Woman by Nancy Leigh Demoss
A fantastic starting place for women as they ponder the question of godly womanhood and the ways the feminist revolution has perhaps robbed them of fully embracing femininity as God intended for it to be embraced.
Divorce
This sermon PDF is a quick reference for what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage.
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25-year Landmark Study
The Amazon reviews explain this book far better than I could, so go have a read.
***
Okay, I could go on like this all day, but between my list and Ryan's, you should have plenty to keep you busy...for now.
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March 8, 2026
Love That...Caffeine Fix
In his book, Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God, CJ Mahaney tells husbands that romance can be communicated quite effectively through small, frequent, and thoughtful gifts. For him this means occasionally picking up some Chewy Spree candy on his way home from work because it's his wife's favorite. For my husband it means surprising me with a yummier alternative to the nasty-for-me creamer I am always pouring into my coffee in alarming quantities...
I love this chocolate powder from The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf because it affords me a mocha (or three) from my own kitchen each morning...and it doesn't expire like my flavored creamer. Plus, the tin can just makes me happy. Even more than all that, though, I love it because it reminds me that my husband pays attention to the simple things that make me smile and then goes out of his way to grow our marriage with small and thoughtful gifts. Of course the occasional bigger surprises are appreciated, too, like the second-row seat I found myself in last Friday at Cirque Du Soleil "O." But that's another post entirely. :-) Still, the coffee cup is fun, right?
What about you? What are some of the simple (even silly) gifts you love to give or receive?
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February 28, 2026
Vantage Point
This was the scene in our living room last night at 6:30 PM...
But two hours earlier, there was this...
I am so very thankful to be the one entrusted with this view.
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January 29, 2026
Bed of Honor
Ryan and I bought bedding yesterday for our new bedroom (we desperately needed--not just wanted--it), and while washing everything and dressing the bed last night I was reminded of this quote from My Life for Yours by Douglas Wilson:
"The marriage bed is honored as we keep the vows that we have made concerning it, but honor is not something that can be contained invisibly in the heart...Honor must have an external rhetorical expression, whether in standing, saluting, or some other form of communicating. One way to honor the marriage bed in this way is to see that the sheets are changed regularly, the bed is made, and the bed and surrounding room are decorated appropriately. By this means a couple are 'saying' they esteem what occurs there."
The marriage bed is to be kept pure, yes, but it should also be kept lovely. For us this means seeing eye-to-eye on the decor, keeping our room clean and free of clutter, and teaching our kids to respect our room as just that: ours.
How about you? What parameters do you have in place to ensure that your room is a place of solace and honor for you and your husband?
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